in the zone

24 Nov

I hate it when people tell me they are actively trying to have kids.  I know what this means and it usually grosses me out.  Something about it just seems very personal and leaves far too much to the imagination.  Making this statement from a microphone, behind a podium, or in other settings that include large groups of people exponentially increases my level of discomfort for both myself and the individual sharing.  But mostly myself.  I don’t want to give the impression that I am against having children but, honestly, there has to be a less creepy way to make this announcement!  I hear what is being said but still register “Who’s got two thumbs and is getting way more than normal?!”  Unfortunately, the men in this delusional state tend to struggle grasping (or simply don’t care) the idea that it is not a sudden upturn in sexual prowess that is attracting their partner.  Rather, motived by an ulterior agenda (and in some cases an ovulation calendar) they are being used.  If the people you associate with look anything like my friends this has got to be the only reason there is any activity in the bedroom.

even his mother is luke warm on this mug

We must know that this act becomes dutiful at some point, as much as we all hate to admit it.  While “actively trying” the man becomes the means to an end.  Something to get from Point A to Point B.  Utilitarian.  Like a Jeep!  But don’t feel used men, this is nothing to take personal.  In fact you should enjoy the attention while it lasts.  Unless you are preparing for your first child you should know that the last couple of months of the pregnancy and for some time thereafter you will be experiencing extreme draught.  After the experiences your woman has just gone through it’s no wonder the idea can become quickly repulsive (which may be mutual for a time depending on your seating during the big show).  You’re trekking through the (insert desert here) and you’re on your own.  Good luck!

With that in mind just remember that with great sacrifice comes great reward and this is a small price to pay for the joy you will experience as a father.

With that in mind, my wife and I have been…(don’t say it!)…working on a kid?  I still haven’t figured out the best way to put it.  Never mind that.  We are expecting baby #2 and had the opportunity go to the doctor today to check things out, hear the heart beat and confirm that everything is going as planned.  I am very excited but find myself reverting back to many of the uncertainties and slight fears that inherently come with this type of arrival.  But at the same time I feel much more prepared this time around.  Next big milestone is to find out the gender of the baby which in my opinion is one of the more climatic moments pre-arrival.  I will be sure to pass this along when the time is right.

As the dad of an untamed mancub, aka my 2 yr old boy, it’s hard to imagine throwing another one in the mix.  Right now we can double team him.  Add another and we’re forced into man-to-man defense.  One more and its a zone.  The ratio begins to shift unfavorably from a control standpoint.  But you know what, I’m okay with that.  I’m too out of shape to play man-to-man anyways.


8 Responses to “in the zone”

  1. Jen November 24, 2010 at 8:43 am #

    Great job at “Doin It” you two! Ha Ha Ha!
    You know I had to:)

    But seriously, Congrats!!!!!

  2. Lisa November 24, 2010 at 8:47 pm #

    SCORE!! 🙂 Congratulations on #2. I am so scared for #3. I’ve become comfortable with man-to-man and I’m not sure if hubby or I can do zone work. Especially in church. Yikes.

  3. Jamie November 24, 2010 at 10:35 pm #

    So I have to admit when you started talking about “climatic” moments pre-baby, my mind was in the gutter.


    • thehambone November 25, 2010 at 12:35 am #

      It’s easy to do considering the subject matter. I certainly won’t hold it against you. Afterall, I wrote it…and my mind went there too. Thanks for reading!

  4. Parley November 25, 2010 at 12:27 am #

    Way to be big Daddy Cameron! Your boys are swimmers! You’re a great writer, I really enjoy these entries.

    • thehambone November 25, 2010 at 12:39 am #

      Thanks Parley. I would like to think I can take all the credit and chalk it up to potency but my wife seems to think she had something to with it as well. pfff.
      I appreciate you reading and keep the awesome comments coming!

  5. Jamie Dwiggins November 26, 2010 at 1:38 pm #

    Um, I think you’re hilar however, I also think that “Ugly Mug” Is pretty freakin attractive…do with that what you will! Miss you guys!

  6. nickshell1983 April 12, 2011 at 4:31 pm #

    I authentically enjoyed this. I have no agenda. I just want you to know that in a sea of generic parenting blogs out there, this one stood out to me. I am not easily impressed, but you’ve done it, sir.

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